News-Letter

Name: Anna Chandler Stirgwolt

Year: Sophomore

Major: Chemical Engineering

Sign: Libra

There's no telling where this been-there, done-that Hopkins mover and shaker is going to be at any given moment. As a member of Kappa Kappa Gamma and the elite "Chem E" crowd, she's got places to go and people to see. And when I say she's from Boston, I mean there's no mistaking that she's from somewhere else. She frequently doesn't pronounce her r's, and she thinks that her city is the best in the United States. Despite the accent, however, she's a masterful storyteller, and she can keep anyone's attention, whether she's talking about Organic Chemistry or the latest designs from Prada.

She's athletic and she could probably take on the soccer team with her long distance running ability. As a member of the Johns Hopkins cross-country team and the track team, she is in incredible physical shape. This girl boasts wrathful muscles as well as voluptuous curves. As if it can't be seen from the picture, right? She also stems from a long line of Irish-Catholic babes, so if she does get angry, watch out ? she'll put those pecs into action.

This incredible physical specimen of a woman also enjoys listening to music in her spare time and watching Matt Damon flicks. As far as music goes, she likes everything from rap to jazz to "jam bands," as she calls them. She believes that Hopkins girls are hot, and why shouldn't she?

"Annabanana," as her friends fondly know her, is quite the mover and shaker. With an appetite for fun times, but a hardcore work ethic, she brings new meaning to the phrase "work hard, play hard." The banana in her name comes from her affinity for the color yellow, and because if it's profound abundance in her wardrobe. Chocolate turns her on, so any man looking to woo her needs to have some Tupac and Hershey's with him.

However, it must be told now that this girl is not single by any means. She's got a long-term boyfriend who goes to Boston College and plays varsity tennis. Despite the efforts of many a Hopkins bachelor, they have not been able to win her over yet. Though it is worth the try, because simply getting to know her will enrich the time you spend at Johns Hopkins. It's best to approach her with respect and with a sense of humor, because she could whoop your ass if you don't laugh at her jokes.

If this smart and beautiful girl weren't pursuing a high-paying career in the chemical industry, she'd be playing in one of those "jam bands" she so loves to groove to. However, she's got her sights set on higher ground; her goal after all of this hard Hopkins word is to be the Secretary of Energy. It'd be hard to guess that she wasn't already fulfilling that position with her amazing vivacity and commitment to school and sports. Her favorite class is Molecules and Cells, primarily because she doesn't have to take it.

World travel, partying and being with friends are her true loves, so she's never without a smile and her amazingly confident air. Beware: if you ask this girl on a date, show up, because she's got a thing against people who stand her up, and the aftermath won't be pretty.

A Single Sex Machine

Name: Jeffery Peter Fiorenza

Year: Sophomore

Major: Public Health

Sign: Aquarius

Okay, gals, get ready for this handsome hunk. When asked to describe himself, Jeff said, "Picture Tom Cruise meets Walter Mathau circa 1955 ? or just tall, dark and handsome, if you prefer." If that hasn't grabbed your attention, lord help you.

Jeff is totally single and really wants someone to keep him company. He pleadingly asked, "Is there anyone out there, please? I pay." Money? Look at all the trouble this guy is willing to go through just to nab ya.

His hobbies are numerous, including "moonlit trips to Greenmount Ave., long walks around M Level, bitching about my schedule and throwing rolled up socks at my snoring roommate." This guy knows how to party. His most embarrassing moment concerns trouble with the law: "[I got] busted by the cops back home after my first night of drinking, one of only five people out of 100 to have been picked up by his parents at two in the morning."

Jeff has a dangerous side also, though. The craziest thing he's ever done is "[over the summer when] I learned how to shoot clay pigeons with short barrel shotguns from a bunch of drunken rednecks in Oklahoma."

Okay, so now that you know some things about this hottie, you're bound to be curious about what gets him going. He's really turned on by "girls in boxer shorts, or even nice pajama pants and someone who wears sexy perfume out on a date."

But beware of your tactics, girls. When asked how to approach him, Jeff said, "Blatantly ? guys have trouble picking up signals. The whole 'playing hard to get' game is fun for a while, but it can also just be a pain in the ass."

So, ladies be sure not to beat around the bush too much or this hunk will forget all about you.

If you need more motivation, Jeff says he's hot exclaiming, "Just look at these pythons!" I'll let you take that one as you will.

As afterthoughts, Jeff's favorite food is corn, and he loves foreign language classes. He's also hoping one day to go to med school. Hey, med school! Wouldn't you like to be with a hot, successful doctor? Yeah, you know Jeff is the man.

When asked what makes him Hot at Hopkins, Jeff simply replied, "knowing people that write for the News-Letter." Hey, we all know that chillin' with News-Letter peeps makes you look good. But this hottie does it by himself, so go get him!