The truth about Charlie (Tuna)
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I love cereal as much as the next guy, but the day in-day out grind of scarfing down Captain Crunch is just going to wreak havoc on your nutritional needs, not to mention your bowel movements. No, there has to be something else out there that will satisfy you nutritionally, taste great and keep you regular. Have you met my friend Charlie?
You must have. He currently holds a 90 percent household awareness rating (better than Nelson Mandela!) and "remains one of the best-beloved brand characters of all time," as carefully alliterated by the Starkist Web site. Starkist is currently the number one supplier of canned tuna and the third largest dry grocery brand in the United States.
Random tuna fact number 244: Tuna are not actually one type of fish but refer to a family of fish that range from the mammoth Bluefin to the delectable Ahi.
Tuna can change your life. Ignore the health benefits for a second; ignore the minuscule fat content for a second, or the hearty amount of protein delivered in each serving, or the absence of carbohydrates. With a little work, and I mean Guided Tour of the Planets type-effort, you can derive tuna recipes that taste great. Take my favorite recipe:
Poached Tuna and Crackers
You will need to steal:
About 5 oz. drained tuna, often available at Terrace or Wolman. (I find that a small Ziploc container works best)
Anywhere from six to 26 saltine crackers
Two lumberjack-sized scoops of mayonnaise. I do not recommend using mayonnaise from Terrace or Wolman. I'm not positive but I don't think they use eggs in it. It tastes kind of like corn starch and oil.
Mix mayonnaise with tuna until the desired consistency is found; serve atop crackers while watching ESPN.
It is vital to keep in mind the health benefits that tuna offers you. Tuna has been approved by the American Heart Association for delivering low values of fat, saturated fat, cholesterol and sodium. Tuna is also rich in Omega 3 polyunsaturated fatty acids, which has been shown to reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease, according to the New England Journal of Medicine.
Tuna is also rich in protein, containing a whopping 33 grams per can! For those trying to bulk up, tuna can be a wonderful alterative to chalky protein powders and shakes. Its low fat and carb content also makes it a wise choice for dieters. When Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked how he bulked up, he said "It was tuna."
Random tuna fact number 29: Tuna are not cold-blooded as most fish, but have a system whereby they maintain their temperature a few degrees warmer than the water in which they find themselves.
Tuna does pose some health concerns though. Swordfish and tuna are the only commercially popular fish that may have a mercury content above one ppm. These two species accumulate mercury as they grow larger because they consume large amounts of small fish. Researchers found, though, that some fish, including tuna, can block and reduce the toxicity of mercury in their tissues. Most experts agree that the one ppm action level for methyl mercury in fish has a considerable margin of safety built into it, according to the Department of Commerce.
The people behind Starkist also seem to be quite enamored with the product, as well as helpful. When I called to report finding some charred tuna in one of my cans, a result of the high pressure cooking and sterilizing process, Cindy the receptionist was quick to apologize for the problem. She took down a serial number of the top of the can, which signifies which plant produced the tuna and told me that the machinery would be checked to ensure this was an isolated incident. She then took down my name and address to send me vouchers for five free cans of tuna. Oh man, that was a good day.
Random tuna fact 144: Tuna never rest; they must always be moving. Their demand for oxygen requires moving one body length per second in order to get enough oxygen. This constant physical action also creates an enormous demand for energy and a need to eat large quantities of food. A typical tuna may eat one-quarter his own weight in food in one day.
Be sure to experiment with your tuna. Starkist has just released flavor seal pouches, designed to maintain freshness and avoid messy draining. The Web site has hundreds of recipes which you never would have thought of (tuna salad? Who knew?), and are east to prepare. I've really grown to like this one which I call:
Tuna Al dente
Prepare 4 servings of your favorite pasta
Add 1/2 cup marinara sauce
Top with one can of Albacore
Mix well and serve piping hot to freshmen suitemates who never clean the damn bathroom. Enjoy!