How hard is it to drink underage at Hopkins?
One in such a situation might feel strongly compelled to pick Johns Hopkins, as rumors abound nationwide about the rowdiness and general rambunctious drunkenness that goes on here. But, as you will see, this freewheeling attitude towards underage drinking is just not true.
First of all, it's hard for under-aged boys and girls to get alcohol. Charles Village Pub, for instance, is a bastion of morality that cards even the oldest of consumers. A person under 21 looking for a good time there better love Sprite.
The liquor stores' policies in the area are just as tough, if not tougher, than CVP's stringent rules. The Schnapp Shop, a favorite among Charles Villagers, is run by some of the nicest businesspeople around - but they will not sell to you if you are under 21. And they card everyone who walks in the door (they even carded my 88 year-old grandma). Oh, what's that? You have a fake ID? Don't even bother. The "Schnapper," to use the local lingo, is notorious for recognizing fakes of all states, and then immediately calling the police on your fake ass.
Don't even get me started on Discount Liquors. Some of the best prices in the area, and to no avail if you do not have a legit ID. Plus, how are you going to get there? You don't have a car! Hah!
Will older kids buy liquor for you? My guess is no. These high standards were in place for them too, so why would they want to go to all the trouble to make you happy? People at Hopkins like to see other people at Hopkins suffer in any way they can. Come to think of it, the only way it might work is if you told them that if you drink a lot, it will bring down your GPA ... try asking around D-Level for this particular scheme to work.
Now we come to another subject - the so-called "frat party." Advertisements abound, especially early in the fall, for these parties. We all know the stereotypes for parties at fraternity houses, but do you know the truth about Hopkins parties?
Fraternities around here are notorious for checking everyone's ID at the door, as well as taking names down to sell to marketing companies. In addition, all parties are BYOB, which means you have to bring your own beer, as they will not give theirs to you. Since no liquor stores will sell to you, that leaves the alternative beverages that the fraternities provide (usually consisting of the dip cups on the Beirut tables). If you do manage to snag some alcohol at a fraternity, drink it fast, because they will run out in 10 minutes.
Let's hypothesize for a moment. You and a friend are downing a bottle of Bombay Sapphire that you somehow stole off a bum. All of a sudden, there is a knock on the door. You check, and sure enough, there is Tito the RA. What do you do? The answer is turn yourself in. RAs at Hopkins are the best of the best, and they will find any bottle you have hidden in your room. Hell, sometimes my RA would try to bust me for spraying Binaca. "But, I thought they couldn't search my stuff!" WRONG. RAs can do whatever they want. It's one of the perks of being a Hopkins RA. If you don't believe any of this, ask your RA how many people he/she has busted this year. You will be surprised.
Let us return to our prospective college student. After reading this article, which contains the combined knowledge of approximately 78 seniors at Hopkins, there is an obvious choice to be had. The pick is the state party school, which is what 99 percent should - and do - pick. The other 1 percent? Haha, you sure screwed up, man. I hope you like Sprite.
Of course, none of this is true. If you haven't picked up on the obvious sarcasm, Hopkins is a place where pitchers of beer are handed out as frequently as D's in Orgo. Of course. It's college, and despite warnings about underage drinking, most people don't care.