Get on the same page with the 'rents about sex
At some point, they may need to know what's going on - here's how to break the news
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Your response to this can be one of the following:
a) go back to school and never go home again
b) avoid the topic because you know he will
c) talk about it - but only with a licensed therapist on hand
d) casually allude to the incident and see where the conversation takes you
Welcome to the scene after my 21st birthday - and yes, my father and I are still talking. More impressively, my friends are still invited back to my house.
I'm lucky, though. When relating the details of the night of and the morning after, most people look at me in horror and swear that their parents would have a nervous breakdown at the scene.
With my line of work, if my father hasn't had a nervous breakdown by now, he's not going to anytime soon. What if you're not so lucky though as to have worn your parents down by this point? It'll be hard, and probably embarrassing, but you're going to have to talk to them.
Coming from college, though, the rules have changed for us. Down here, we have the freedom to do what and whom we want, to stay out, to drink or not, to study or not-so what is the preferred method of dealing when going home?
If your parents fall on either end of the spectrum, really laid back or candidate for a breakdown if the subject is broached, sometimes silence and denial might be the best alternative. But that's a personal call. Most other parents tend to fall in the "ignorance is bliss" phases, meaning they still think a bootie call has something to do with those little socks that babies wear.
A lot of people must rely on avoidance-either avoiding home or the topic ("Boyfriend? Him? He's gay, don't worry about it" or "Oh, that's a gag gift from friends-I swear"). But generally this leads to more sins of omission or straight out lies than most people can rationalize. Worse yet, sometimes this course of action can leave hapless students homeless during breaks. So what's left?
Talking before any major incident happens is not only taking the high road, it's also saving a lot of problems that will happen before you graduate. So telling the 'rents before your younger sibling finds your condom will save everyone a lot of face.
Although it can often be awkward, beginning this conversation is no different than when you manipulated a situation to your advantage when you were younger and wanted something. Is it better to get your parents alone or talk to them together? When is the best time to get them when they're not stressed? Can you talk over the phone or do you need to be there?
However you choose to do the deed, do not use the phrases, "Don't be upset, but ... " "Promise not to be angry, but ... " or "I know you probably won't like this, but ... " They will be upset, they will break their promise, and don't admit defeat before you've given talking a try.
And don't underestimate the value of note cards, either with you when talking to your parents or as a way to prepare for it. On them, you should write what you want, why you want it and why you believe you are correct. Knowing what you want, and why it should be okay - and being able to state your case calmly and negotiate - is part of being mature. And though this may seem surprising, maturity is part of being in a relationship, or at the very least part of having sex.
You don't need to go into FCC censored details, but be able to discuss what's going on in your life and why you are not the same person who they left in the hands of the orientation staff so long ago. Refrain from pointing out that leaving you with people whose shirts said "We welcome your daughters" might not have been the best idea.
Finally, just recognize that they're not going to like whatever you have to say. Especially if you're asking their permission to bring someone home and the conversation is not just an FYI about what's going on in your life. No matter how crazy your parents were while growing up, when it comes to you, their innocent child, the answer will probably be no. But what does that mean to you? Negotiate, be creative, and at worst, just deal with it.
Negotiation means that you shouldn't expect your parents to automatically put you and the person you bring home in the same bed. But getting them into a close room, or onto a couch, and not having to share a room with the dog in the garage is plausible.
To avoid even the issue of them walking in, you leaving condoms around, or getting caught in any compromising position involving doggy-style, all you have to do is keep your business out of the house.
Most people from outside New York City have cars, or have ones accessible to them-put them to good use. At the very least, keep in-house activity to times when you know you have a solid block of empty house to yourself.
Just like sex is a part of life, so are the awkward conversation you're going to have to have with your parents once you start having sex on a regular basis. But think of it this way-its better to have the conversation now than after your father says, "So, who exactly was that?"