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Some guys get dinner made for them on their birthdays, some get books, watches, or tickets to a Yankees game and others get their girlfriends to ask their best friends, "Well, it's his birthday and I was hoping you'd help me give him a really good birthday present."

No, this is not the beginning of a porno, but it is how a friend of mine was propositioned by a friend of hers when she went home one summer. Luckily for the birthday boy, she was up for something new, and he was able to enjoy what the majority of people who responded to the Sex Survey wanted but never got: a threesome.

Let's just say I've seen this column coming-or, at least, it has been suggested by every drunk male and/or hook-up I've had for a while. I am going to take a wild guess here and say that with every column topic suggestion of this sort, there's an implicit "how can I get one?" aspect of his question.

Step one: stop asking.

Step two: be happy if you're getting action from one other person.

The idea comes from a good place: sex with one person is good, therefore, sex with two people is better. But the difference between theory and reality, especially in this situation, can be significant. My general rebuff for the standard, "Will you and [female roommate who prances around the apartment in that less-than-nothing that she calls a night shirt] have a threesome with me?" is always, "Well, I'm only into even numbers. 2:2. I don't share well, so find another guy."

Thank you Mrs. Blumenthal for neglecting some of the more important life lessons in kindergarten, and also thank you to "most guys" for being homophobic enough (even while drunk) to drop the subject.

But that's the No. 1 issue facing most couples who want a threesome (singles are a whole different issue)-the ratio. Girls generally want two guys, and guys generally want two girls. My ex and I had a bit of a standoff about this one, so I refer back to my general solution-four people. But for some reason most people aren't too keen on the idea. Oh well.

The friend of mine who accepted her best friend also turned down another offer not that much later because of the problems she saw it causing. She used to date the guy, and the friend who asked her got jealous easily- not something you want to get into.

If you're being asked, just think about what the next day will be like-will sleeping with a friend and his/her significant other actually be OK? This shouldn't be an excuse to get a peak at your friend's boyfriend/girlfriend, no matter how hot he/she is. And more importantly, if your friend is the jealous type, there is no way this is going to help.

Finally, the question is-are you the jealous type? Ignore the next-day awkwardness, and think about whether you are cool with seeing your significant other with someone else. Most guys are going, "Hmm, my girlfriend hooking-up with her best friend, great!" but it's not always that nice. What if she looks like she's having too good of a time?

Or, more realistically, what if it's a MFM (male/female/male) or MMFF combination, are you ready to see her making contact with some other guy? Eye contact will only be a small part of it.

If you're still game for some group play, here's what I've learned over the years which might save you a couple of bloopers:

1) Establish the parameters before you begin the search for a third (or fourth, or fifth partner). Meaning, figure this out before you drunkenly proposition someone. The reason for this is that no one likes being surprised. "Oops how did that slip in there" or "Oops, where did she come from?" are generally unwelcome gestures.

2) The ball(s) is always in the girl's court: treating the family jewels is something that could always use an extra pair of hands but that's not what this is about. For girls, if you're not comfortable, say so, and leave-you're not proving anything by being there.

3) Don't point out that someone who's straight and will be straight after the experience, is hooking-up with someone of their own sex. Most people are bi-curious, and this is not the time to point fingers, or anything else, and out someone. Nothing kills a night more than someone else challenging your sexuality while you're naked.

4) Play a good host/hostess and pay attention to everyone else's needs as well. Think of it like all things sexual: the more you give the more you get-and without a condom, you can get more than what you bargained for.

Threesomes can be a lot of fun (hence the massive movie industry around them), but if you don't multitask, it's all good. There's still the actual Eiffel Tower that you can check out.

And if that sight inspires you, just remember, that birthday boy will always be waiting for his present.

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