In a sex drought, change is the key
Orgasmic Chemistry
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I am having what I think is a kind of unusual problem with my boyfriend. Essentially, I want sex every day and he doesn't. I thought that guys were supposed to have higher sex drives than girls, so I don't get why a few times a week is enough for him when it's not for me. Am I a nympho, or is he the one with the problem?
I'm not going to put the definition of a nymphomaniac here because it's pretty relative in most cases, and we're not dealing with Psych 101 here.
When I mentioned the problem of wanting more sex from your partner to some girl (space) friends, I heard one of three responses:
1) Moderately sexually frustrated friends: "A few times a week isn't normal?"
2) Those who have given up altogether: [dismissive noise] "Tell me when you figure out that one."
3) The lucky ones: "Oh! Wow, that sucks."
We'll ignore the last category, but in general, it seemed that this problem is a lot more common than people make it seem, so you're not alone. This isn't something a lot of people discuss with friends because ego is such an integral part of the issue. Frequently, you feel like you did something wrong to cause the drought. More often than not, though, it's not you.
If you're lucky, you're just dealing with a temporary thing. Although I can think of few better ways to relieve stress, sometimes an orgo exam doesn't exactly put people in the mood. Often, nagging about anything, even sex, doesn't help. Something like, "I swear! It can just be quick so you can go back and study!" probably won't be enough to tear your partner away from the books.
If this is an ongoing issue, there are a couple things you can do short of getting your partner to Health and Wellness for a medical evaluation. For girls, you know it's become a problem if the Rabbit's gone though enough batteries that your bank account is hurting. For guys, the tip-off is when carpel tunnel is starting to set in. For everyone, you know you're in dangerous territory you actually consider slipping a crushed-up Viagra into your partner's coffee.
Step one: Tread very lightly. Think about the situation from your partner's perspective. When you bring the issue up, I would start with indirect questions. Try something like, "More work than usual?" Or, "Do you want to plan a quiet night for the two of us?"
Step two: Stay away from weed. Although the data aren't conclusive, weed takes a toll on sperm count, and some studies show that it can kill sex drive.
Step three: Explore. Recently a friend who had been complaining about wanting sex more often than her guy went to visit her boyfriend who's abroad -- they did not have this issue while relaxing in the sun, miles away on a beach. When sex is just so easy, you're not interested. While you don't want to go so far as to threatening to withhold sex, sometimes you need to break routines. Sex is not only for nighttime and sometimes there are better ways to wake up than hitting the snooze button. Have a roommate who's restricting your schedule? Try and sneak time in during the day. Fewer people in the dorms to bother, no walk of shame, and if you're a few minutes late to class you really won't care.
Step four: Just jump `em. This one should be higher on the list, but it's also not restricted to only dire situations. I haven't taken physics for a while, but I do remember some of the basics, and I know it's harder to start an object moving than it is to keep it in motion. Sometimes sex, like other things, just seems like a lot of effort. Although sex generally needs two active participants (or at least good sex does), someone has get the ball rolling, and in this case, it's gonna have to be you.
Bottom line: You're both normal. It's almost disappointing, right? So don't resign youself to a world of mechanical friends just yet.Try some of these steps to stimulate your, um, flaccid sex life, and I think you'll be fine -- no psychological diagnosis needed.