Spring Break
A guide to same-sex intimacy and affection for the timid and confused
Issue date: 10/18/07
An open letter to the boys confused by the antics on the television show Tila Tequila: A Shot At Love:
There seems to be significant distress and confusion about the way in which certain bisexual celebrities treat individuals of one gender with what seems to be a physical preference.
This is, of course, a valid objection: How can someone claim to have equal and separate sexual interests and yet behave in such disparate ways to these sexual interests? This raises the objection that it is not technically possible to have completely equal sexual interests - between two individuals or between two genders.
For the purpose of this letter, I give you the scale of intimacy: This scale describes the situational identifiers used, subconsciously, by the majority of girls:
1- This is where guys start. There is very little, if any, purposeful physical contact.
2 - This is where you hug briefly at a party and hold hands in the preschool-don't-lose-anyone-on-the-streets-of-Baltimore way if you're both female.
3- This is noncommittal tickling and short lived cuddling when someone is depressed. See also: Hair ruffling that lasts longer than two seconds.
4 - This is where girls are with other girls, typically, after as little as two weeks of friendship. Hands may be held when there's no immediate peril, hello hugs may extend to up to five seconds, bikinis may be tied, shirts may be adjusted and asses evaluated.
5- The drunken makeout. Second base is permitted but not encouraged.
6 -This entails the sober makeout or the drunken makeout that goes to second or third base.
7- This is casual and/or drunken sex.
8 - You are in a committed relationship or having consistent booty call sex.
9- Totally open sex: With the lights on, no sheets and varied positions.
10- Whips, anal, chains and other stuff most of us don't do on a regular basis.
Homosociability is a major factor in this difference - girls are encouraged to be friends with girls and to be 'cute' and amicable from early ages, where as boys are encouraged to be manly and independent - if not that, then to be friends with other tough boys and form a gang of utterly not-cute and not-affectionate friends. It is rarely questioned that girls 'relate' better to other girls. Not only compared to girls relating to guys, but compared to guys relating to either gender: As a society, we are raised to view girls as more empathic and sympathetic, more able to be friendly and affectionate, whereas boys are considered the 'stronger' and more self-sufficient, emotionless gender. Obviously these are stereotypes, but they do illustrate that, again, girls start at a certain base level of affectionate sociability.
There seems to be significant distress and confusion about the way in which certain bisexual celebrities treat individuals of one gender with what seems to be a physical preference.
This is, of course, a valid objection: How can someone claim to have equal and separate sexual interests and yet behave in such disparate ways to these sexual interests? This raises the objection that it is not technically possible to have completely equal sexual interests - between two individuals or between two genders.
For the purpose of this letter, I give you the scale of intimacy: This scale describes the situational identifiers used, subconsciously, by the majority of girls:
1- This is where guys start. There is very little, if any, purposeful physical contact.
2 - This is where you hug briefly at a party and hold hands in the preschool-don't-lose-anyone-on-the-streets-of-Baltimore way if you're both female.
3- This is noncommittal tickling and short lived cuddling when someone is depressed. See also: Hair ruffling that lasts longer than two seconds.
4 - This is where girls are with other girls, typically, after as little as two weeks of friendship. Hands may be held when there's no immediate peril, hello hugs may extend to up to five seconds, bikinis may be tied, shirts may be adjusted and asses evaluated.
5- The drunken makeout. Second base is permitted but not encouraged.
6 -This entails the sober makeout or the drunken makeout that goes to second or third base.
7- This is casual and/or drunken sex.
8 - You are in a committed relationship or having consistent booty call sex.
9- Totally open sex: With the lights on, no sheets and varied positions.
10- Whips, anal, chains and other stuff most of us don't do on a regular basis.
Homosociability is a major factor in this difference - girls are encouraged to be friends with girls and to be 'cute' and amicable from early ages, where as boys are encouraged to be manly and independent - if not that, then to be friends with other tough boys and form a gang of utterly not-cute and not-affectionate friends. It is rarely questioned that girls 'relate' better to other girls. Not only compared to girls relating to guys, but compared to guys relating to either gender: As a society, we are raised to view girls as more empathic and sympathetic, more able to be friendly and affectionate, whereas boys are considered the 'stronger' and more self-sufficient, emotionless gender. Obviously these are stereotypes, but they do illustrate that, again, girls start at a certain base level of affectionate sociability.
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dsdaad
posted 1/22/08 @ 9:41 AM EST
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