Spring Break
Taking it a step beyond the D-Level Challenge
Our guest columnist runs down his list of the most scandalous on-campus spots to get down and dirty in public
Issue date: 4/17/08
All this talk about sex probably has the same effect it does on you as it does on me. It makes me horny. And you know what? I want it. Right here, right now. And I know you do, too. What is that? We are in Fresh Food Café? Well, maybe not right here. But that is why good old PierceD is going to provide you with a list of cool places to do it in public on your own campus.
Sure there is the D-Level Challenge, but what if we are like me, (and I know I am) and we are looking for something else as well? Only so many times you can screw next to a crappy book like Turn Of The Screw or Mrs Dalloway. So here goes; let us start with the obvious:
The Beach: Go out for a walk, set up a picnic or save the food for later and just bring the Franzia. Gaze at the stars (take a New Yorker for this one; (s)he will appreciate them all the more), and have your own supernova. And they say stars have all the fun...
CollegeTown Shuttle: Ever do it on a train? This is the college version. And we all know how that movie ended… It ended well.
Garden Bed Of Statues: The place between Bloomberg and Fresh Food Café? Know what I mean. Lay your significant other on a favorite flower, then lay your significant other on a favorite flower. Cannot go wrong there.
Lobby Of Most Any Building, Dorm In Particular: I am thinking more Wolman, because that is where I live, but I imagine most lobbies will do. Seen one, you seen them all, am I right?
AMR Trees: Yes sir. Get back to your roots, and make sweet love the ancestral way. In a tree. Why the trees in the AMR courtyards? Carries an extra sort of oomph, do you not think? Potential hazards: Do not lose so much control doing your O-thing that you let go. Of anything, really. Not in good conduct.
Your Resident Advisor's Bed: This is gold, right here, folks. You will go down in history just by going down on your partner. I am still trying to decide if this is a greater accomplishment with your Resident Advisor or with someone else. Better go for broke, and do it with both. Of course, if your Resident Advisor is not of the preferred gender, you will have decisions to make.
Sure there is the D-Level Challenge, but what if we are like me, (and I know I am) and we are looking for something else as well? Only so many times you can screw next to a crappy book like Turn Of The Screw or Mrs Dalloway. So here goes; let us start with the obvious:
The Beach: Go out for a walk, set up a picnic or save the food for later and just bring the Franzia. Gaze at the stars (take a New Yorker for this one; (s)he will appreciate them all the more), and have your own supernova. And they say stars have all the fun...
CollegeTown Shuttle: Ever do it on a train? This is the college version. And we all know how that movie ended… It ended well.
Garden Bed Of Statues: The place between Bloomberg and Fresh Food Café? Know what I mean. Lay your significant other on a favorite flower, then lay your significant other on a favorite flower. Cannot go wrong there.
Lobby Of Most Any Building, Dorm In Particular: I am thinking more Wolman, because that is where I live, but I imagine most lobbies will do. Seen one, you seen them all, am I right?
AMR Trees: Yes sir. Get back to your roots, and make sweet love the ancestral way. In a tree. Why the trees in the AMR courtyards? Carries an extra sort of oomph, do you not think? Potential hazards: Do not lose so much control doing your O-thing that you let go. Of anything, really. Not in good conduct.
Your Resident Advisor's Bed: This is gold, right here, folks. You will go down in history just by going down on your partner. I am still trying to decide if this is a greater accomplishment with your Resident Advisor or with someone else. Better go for broke, and do it with both. Of course, if your Resident Advisor is not of the preferred gender, you will have decisions to make.
Viewing Comments 1 - 1 of 2
Sam
posted 4/21/08 @ 6:35 AM EST
this is pitiful.
how many times will the news-letter publish this same article written by increasingly inept "columnists"
I am so incredibly tired of reading this same list of places
and it doesn't help that this particular list features some shabby writing and a lack of editing
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