Disguse your Walk of Shame with pajamas
Walk of Shame, Stride of Pride, call it what you may, the majority of us have done it. Whether it was in the morning light or just before the break of dawn, we have seen those knowing looks and smirks of amusement.
This is why I hereby declare that we females should never get dressed up for parties. Better yet, we should just wear pajamas to all parties.
The next morning, trekking across campus or strolling down Charles Street in your strappy heels and an inexcusably short skirt is never a dead giveaway of what you were up to the night prior. Sure some part of your brain begs that some people will assume, Hey, maybe she was in the mood to get dressed up today or maybe that's what she always does.
But as they continue to stare, they may also begin to wonder why you didn't bother to brush your hair or how the heck your makeup got smudged so soon.
You may have been able to get away with a T-shirt to make it seem less obvious if you were lucky. But honestly, a T-shirt that's too big coupled with strappy heels never quite covers for you.
And god forbid you walk too close to someone, allowing them to smell the splendorous pheromones that result from a sweaty row house basement and sleeping way too close to someone who deceived your inebriated eyesight into making you think that he was hot.
By the way, for all you deceivers, your pretense becomes painfully obvious in the migraine-initiating sunlight as we try to sneak away as slickly as possible.
But our swift escape is often slowed by the clothing hunt that ensues - when we slip our desperately-spotted skirt on with a new-found modesty followed by retrieving everything but perhaps the almighty panties.
When we do find them, we contemplate whether it is still sanitary to put them back on after they spent the night inside out on the dirty floor covered in questionable stains and smudges.
After choosing between going commando and risking a venereal disease or infection of sorts, we creep out of the disheveled mess to a hallway that looks only vaguely familiar.
This is why I hereby declare that we females should never get dressed up for parties. Better yet, we should just wear pajamas to all parties.
The next morning, trekking across campus or strolling down Charles Street in your strappy heels and an inexcusably short skirt is never a dead giveaway of what you were up to the night prior. Sure some part of your brain begs that some people will assume, Hey, maybe she was in the mood to get dressed up today or maybe that's what she always does.
But as they continue to stare, they may also begin to wonder why you didn't bother to brush your hair or how the heck your makeup got smudged so soon.
You may have been able to get away with a T-shirt to make it seem less obvious if you were lucky. But honestly, a T-shirt that's too big coupled with strappy heels never quite covers for you.
And god forbid you walk too close to someone, allowing them to smell the splendorous pheromones that result from a sweaty row house basement and sleeping way too close to someone who deceived your inebriated eyesight into making you think that he was hot.
By the way, for all you deceivers, your pretense becomes painfully obvious in the migraine-initiating sunlight as we try to sneak away as slickly as possible.
But our swift escape is often slowed by the clothing hunt that ensues - when we slip our desperately-spotted skirt on with a new-found modesty followed by retrieving everything but perhaps the almighty panties.
When we do find them, we contemplate whether it is still sanitary to put them back on after they spent the night inside out on the dirty floor covered in questionable stains and smudges.
After choosing between going commando and risking a venereal disease or infection of sorts, we creep out of the disheveled mess to a hallway that looks only vaguely familiar.
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