Spring Break
Technology: finally out of hand
Issue date: 10/9/08
Speaking of which, automatic soap dispensers? I can't be the only person who feels violated by spurts of goop randomly squirting at my hands. Argh!
And then, if you finally do manage to lather rinse repeat, it takes 20 minutes to dry your hands because either you're waiting under the automatic dryer watching your skin age or you're patiently extracting six by four squares of paper towel from the wall dispenser. I'm sorry, but a four-year-old needs more paper towels than that, and that's not just because he'd eat half of it.
My disapproval of bathroom equipment pales in comparison to the hatred I feel for automated phone menus. Oh. My. God. Give me a real person before I find the location of whatever satellite this is broadcasting from and send a hoard of raccoons into space to shred it to pieces.
The good news is that I've found if you shout at them long enough, they get confused and eventually forward you to a real person.
The one downside of this is, as whatever recording you're forced to interact with so pleasantly reminds you at the beginning of each transcendant converation, this conversation is being recorded for quality assurance purposes.
It's like Linda Trip and George Orwell teamed up and created a whole new market for creepiness. I'm always scared that they have tapes of me on my various rants stored in a warehouse next to the Arc of the Covenant and Scully's missing medical information, but I guess that's to be expected.
Am I asking that we return to the outhouse system? No. Do I think we should each have our own chamber pots that we dump out the window on to N. Charles Street every morning? Not unless the school provides each student with goggles and a poncho. But can't we just do this New Jersey rest stop style and kick the lever on the back of the toilet like everybody else? Isn't it better to do some things for yourself?
I don't know. Call me old-fashioned but is it so bad to have to interact with a real human being every once in a while? I wouldn't mind. Just as long as they're not hanging out in my toilet stall.
And then, if you finally do manage to lather rinse repeat, it takes 20 minutes to dry your hands because either you're waiting under the automatic dryer watching your skin age or you're patiently extracting six by four squares of paper towel from the wall dispenser. I'm sorry, but a four-year-old needs more paper towels than that, and that's not just because he'd eat half of it.
My disapproval of bathroom equipment pales in comparison to the hatred I feel for automated phone menus. Oh. My. God. Give me a real person before I find the location of whatever satellite this is broadcasting from and send a hoard of raccoons into space to shred it to pieces.
The good news is that I've found if you shout at them long enough, they get confused and eventually forward you to a real person.
The one downside of this is, as whatever recording you're forced to interact with so pleasantly reminds you at the beginning of each transcendant converation, this conversation is being recorded for quality assurance purposes.
It's like Linda Trip and George Orwell teamed up and created a whole new market for creepiness. I'm always scared that they have tapes of me on my various rants stored in a warehouse next to the Arc of the Covenant and Scully's missing medical information, but I guess that's to be expected.
Am I asking that we return to the outhouse system? No. Do I think we should each have our own chamber pots that we dump out the window on to N. Charles Street every morning? Not unless the school provides each student with goggles and a poncho. But can't we just do this New Jersey rest stop style and kick the lever on the back of the toilet like everybody else? Isn't it better to do some things for yourself?
I don't know. Call me old-fashioned but is it so bad to have to interact with a real human being every once in a while? I wouldn't mind. Just as long as they're not hanging out in my toilet stall.
Viewing Comments 1 - 2 of 2
Will
posted 10/16/08 @ 1:31 AM EST
this is hilarious. seriously.
Joe
posted 10/17/08 @ 8:58 PM EST
Too much exaggeration and ranting/raving. Don't really see any point to this article.
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