Spring Break
Don't let the Facebook frenzy ruin your love life
Issue date: 10/16/08
Well, pretty freshmen, by now you've realized which of your pre-college Facebook friendships will materialize into the real deal and which ones will result in averted gazes and iPod Emergency Avoidance Assistance for the rest of the semester.
And seniors, by now you are beginning to rethink those 50 Facebook photo albums and pictures of yourself completely naked, waiting in line for the keg and waving at the camera with one hand while the other covers your exposed crotch, since (s--t), it's time to get a job.
Oh, the wonders of Facebook. How much more informed we are about all the bad decisions our fellow students are making in college (and high school).
So here's a fun Facebook side-effect: It encourages the need to consider the one-night stand even after everyone has cleaned up, redressed and moved on.
OK, he's gone. Do I friend him? Does that make me look too needy? If I don't will he think I forgot his name, or I'm a giant bitch? Oh lord. What is in my "About Me" section right now? I hope it doesn't make me look lame. Oh s--t! He friended me. That was fast. Does he want to date me? Maybe I should change my status to "It's complicated."
Facebook: Forcing you to fret over your bad decisions 100 percent more of the time since 2005.
OK, let's say you got through the one-night stand without any ensuing Facebook friending when all of a sudden BAM! Your one-night stand becomes a two-night stand becomes a month-long tryst until it's Thanksgiving and you've discussed everything from the latest Palahniuk novel to the rat migration in Baltimore without any mention of Facebook. You are officially sleeping with someone who doesn't even exist in your cyber social life.
That sucks.
There are no solid rules about Facebook friendships as applied to long-term sexual relationships.
Facebook: Keeping you on your toes for the rest of your existence as a sexually active individual (whatever that means).
The Internet has forever altered the rules of relationships, starting when it first introduced the option of the e-mail breakup. Sad but true, my best friend suffered her first heartbreak when her sixth-grade boyfriend e-mailed her, "It's not you. It's me," and stopped talking to her for a month. As if miscommunication didn't lead to enough female distress, the lack of intonation and eye contact in an AIM conversation can lead to nothing but disaster.
Before you let yourself get too upset over a neglectful Facebooker, remember a few cognitive differences between men and women. Women have a much higher cognitive capability for short-term memory, and they pay more attention to detail. If he doesn't remember that you have two sisters and a summer house in Maine, it's not because he isn't listening or doesn't care. His brain just doesn't have the same capacity for short-term memory that yours does.
Also, women are far more empathetic than men. We are geared to think about how our actions affect the emotions of others; Guys don't necessarily have this impulse. So when they take three hours, 43 minutes and 19 seconds to respond to a text message, they are probably just simply busy.
So in this age of "<3" and "luv u," don't let miscommunication ruin your day. It's probably time we established some online interaction guidelines. Here are a few to start:
1. Do NOT substitute showing sexual interest by "poking." It leads to far too much confusion. (I've known girls to discuss the meaning behind a poke for days. Please let us never have to consult our friends on this issue again.)
2. E-mail break-ups are about as lame as cyber sex. Seriously, when did either of these things ever become OK?
3. Take everything at face value. Believe me, it will save you endless headaches over the hidden meaning of the Panic! At the Disco lyrics on his profile.
As for the To Friend or Not To Friend dilemma of the one-night stand, let Facebook answer the question for you; If you don't know his/her last name, then it probably isn't worth the long search effort.
And if you're consistently sleeping with a guy who still isn't your Facebook friend, then friend him already, you weirdo. All of your friends are waiting to stalk your relationship through their newsfeeds, anyway.
And seniors, by now you are beginning to rethink those 50 Facebook photo albums and pictures of yourself completely naked, waiting in line for the keg and waving at the camera with one hand while the other covers your exposed crotch, since (s--t), it's time to get a job.
Oh, the wonders of Facebook. How much more informed we are about all the bad decisions our fellow students are making in college (and high school).
So here's a fun Facebook side-effect: It encourages the need to consider the one-night stand even after everyone has cleaned up, redressed and moved on.
OK, he's gone. Do I friend him? Does that make me look too needy? If I don't will he think I forgot his name, or I'm a giant bitch? Oh lord. What is in my "About Me" section right now? I hope it doesn't make me look lame. Oh s--t! He friended me. That was fast. Does he want to date me? Maybe I should change my status to "It's complicated."
Facebook: Forcing you to fret over your bad decisions 100 percent more of the time since 2005.
OK, let's say you got through the one-night stand without any ensuing Facebook friending when all of a sudden BAM! Your one-night stand becomes a two-night stand becomes a month-long tryst until it's Thanksgiving and you've discussed everything from the latest Palahniuk novel to the rat migration in Baltimore without any mention of Facebook. You are officially sleeping with someone who doesn't even exist in your cyber social life.
That sucks.
There are no solid rules about Facebook friendships as applied to long-term sexual relationships.
Facebook: Keeping you on your toes for the rest of your existence as a sexually active individual (whatever that means).
The Internet has forever altered the rules of relationships, starting when it first introduced the option of the e-mail breakup. Sad but true, my best friend suffered her first heartbreak when her sixth-grade boyfriend e-mailed her, "It's not you. It's me," and stopped talking to her for a month. As if miscommunication didn't lead to enough female distress, the lack of intonation and eye contact in an AIM conversation can lead to nothing but disaster.
Before you let yourself get too upset over a neglectful Facebooker, remember a few cognitive differences between men and women. Women have a much higher cognitive capability for short-term memory, and they pay more attention to detail. If he doesn't remember that you have two sisters and a summer house in Maine, it's not because he isn't listening or doesn't care. His brain just doesn't have the same capacity for short-term memory that yours does.
Also, women are far more empathetic than men. We are geared to think about how our actions affect the emotions of others; Guys don't necessarily have this impulse. So when they take three hours, 43 minutes and 19 seconds to respond to a text message, they are probably just simply busy.
So in this age of "<3" and "luv u," don't let miscommunication ruin your day. It's probably time we established some online interaction guidelines. Here are a few to start:
1. Do NOT substitute showing sexual interest by "poking." It leads to far too much confusion. (I've known girls to discuss the meaning behind a poke for days. Please let us never have to consult our friends on this issue again.)
2. E-mail break-ups are about as lame as cyber sex. Seriously, when did either of these things ever become OK?
3. Take everything at face value. Believe me, it will save you endless headaches over the hidden meaning of the Panic! At the Disco lyrics on his profile.
As for the To Friend or Not To Friend dilemma of the one-night stand, let Facebook answer the question for you; If you don't know his/her last name, then it probably isn't worth the long search effort.
And if you're consistently sleeping with a guy who still isn't your Facebook friend, then friend him already, you weirdo. All of your friends are waiting to stalk your relationship through their newsfeeds, anyway.
Viewing Comments 1 - 1 of 1
freddy
posted 10/20/08 @ 12:12 AM EST
So your saying people on Facebook should not date people who are not on Facebook? 100 million out of 6 billion isn't a lot of people when you do the math. (Continued…)
Post a Comment