Diane Krupnick: No Mania Here! (or so they allege)
A riot in the village of Pawtucket occurred this week, following the diagnosis of a local woman, Diane Krupnick, with bipolar disorder by Dr. Robert Sanguine of Elksburry Road.
The response started simply enough as her husband, upon hearing news of the diagnosis, banged on the door of Sanguine's office, reportedly shouting, "She ain't got no mania. If she did our sex life would be a hell of a lot better." Mr. Krupnick of Sainsburry place, infamous for his work as town cryer who revolutionized the role of the hand bell in the communication of town announcements, was later restrained and spent the evening ranting about the missionary position in the sheriff's office.
Upon hearing about Mr. Krupnick's ouburts, Mrs. Krupnick's employer Jason Twilliger of Sandmount Street responded that he had never seen her have any sort of joy, and if she had, his days would have been a lot more pleasant and enjoyable.
After the story was reported in a local paper (nothing compared to me and the mighty Associated Press!), The Pawtucket Evening Press ran a letter from Mrs. Krupnick's parents that read:
We of all people, have known our daughter for many, many years; we are all very aware of her position, her life, her personality as well as her favorite cereal. We of all people can set these rumors to rest and settle the case out of court with a civil settlement to the amount of $173.93. My husband would not be as scarred as he currently is, and I would have a much better conception of letter-writing if my daughter had ever had any sort of mania of any kind - in fact it might have helped our sex life. The missionary position, missionary, missionary, missionary . . .
The paper also reported that the letter continued in that vein for quite a while and felt it necessary to say that Krupnick's mother had experienced several battles with a debilitating Cinemax addiction which had damaged her ability to communicate, especially through letters, though her ability to Facebook was left completely intact.
The response started simply enough as her husband, upon hearing news of the diagnosis, banged on the door of Sanguine's office, reportedly shouting, "She ain't got no mania. If she did our sex life would be a hell of a lot better." Mr. Krupnick of Sainsburry place, infamous for his work as town cryer who revolutionized the role of the hand bell in the communication of town announcements, was later restrained and spent the evening ranting about the missionary position in the sheriff's office.
Upon hearing about Mr. Krupnick's ouburts, Mrs. Krupnick's employer Jason Twilliger of Sandmount Street responded that he had never seen her have any sort of joy, and if she had, his days would have been a lot more pleasant and enjoyable.
After the story was reported in a local paper (nothing compared to me and the mighty Associated Press!), The Pawtucket Evening Press ran a letter from Mrs. Krupnick's parents that read:
We of all people, have known our daughter for many, many years; we are all very aware of her position, her life, her personality as well as her favorite cereal. We of all people can set these rumors to rest and settle the case out of court with a civil settlement to the amount of $173.93. My husband would not be as scarred as he currently is, and I would have a much better conception of letter-writing if my daughter had ever had any sort of mania of any kind - in fact it might have helped our sex life. The missionary position, missionary, missionary, missionary . . .
The paper also reported that the letter continued in that vein for quite a while and felt it necessary to say that Krupnick's mother had experienced several battles with a debilitating Cinemax addiction which had damaged her ability to communicate, especially through letters, though her ability to Facebook was left completely intact.
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