Spring Break
From your local borders to your local morgues
Issue date: 12/4/08
Things have gotten so out of hand that Borders is now giving out a certificate for free admission to a local morgue with the purchase of each copy of Montgomery's masterwork. There has even been talk of opening a morgue of their own. Daniel Forster, coincidentally also the regional manager of Borders put it best when he said, "If people need a morgue we're happy to provide that with the book - we need the money especially if potential customers aren't going to be around for much longer."
However Forster, the regional manager of Scholastic, is not alone in his plans, Montgomery's publisher is also considering putting in a plan to package each copy of the 15-page text with an urn as well as a gift certificate to the local completely un-Catholic cemetery.
While the content of the work itself is under much debate as to its academic worth, many of the reviewers have not managed to get their articles to press before succumbing to the weight of the work and taking up residence in a coffin or urn of their own. This reporter recently bought a copy of his own, complete with a complimentary morgue coupon (thank you very much, Mr. Forster!) and has been reading it with each successive trip to the bathroom (it makes fantastic toilet reading!)
So far, he has surmised that Montgomery's argument is interesting, though a bit superficial, but then again he's hardly gotten through the first paragraph and his son has an important kickball game this weekend.
Following the kickball game in which the Toyota Turtles beat the Play doh Players to a rousing score of 7-2, this reporter resigned and joined the ranks of the urn elite with the passing words of "If only I'd written my review five minutes ago!"
However Forster, the regional manager of Scholastic, is not alone in his plans, Montgomery's publisher is also considering putting in a plan to package each copy of the 15-page text with an urn as well as a gift certificate to the local completely un-Catholic cemetery.
While the content of the work itself is under much debate as to its academic worth, many of the reviewers have not managed to get their articles to press before succumbing to the weight of the work and taking up residence in a coffin or urn of their own. This reporter recently bought a copy of his own, complete with a complimentary morgue coupon (thank you very much, Mr. Forster!) and has been reading it with each successive trip to the bathroom (it makes fantastic toilet reading!)
So far, he has surmised that Montgomery's argument is interesting, though a bit superficial, but then again he's hardly gotten through the first paragraph and his son has an important kickball game this weekend.
Following the kickball game in which the Toyota Turtles beat the Play doh Players to a rousing score of 7-2, this reporter resigned and joined the ranks of the urn elite with the passing words of "If only I'd written my review five minutes ago!"
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