Spring Break
Here Comes Satan Claus
Issue date: 12/4/08
There are 21 days until Christmas. On that morning you will roll out of bed to find the cookies have all been eaten, the stockings are full, the tree is lit and its trunk is obscured by the heaps of presents awaiting you. Without thought you tear through the paper to find a brand new Samsung 50-inch Plasma HDTV. It is everything you ever wanted. But on this cozy Christmas morning there is one thing to which you are hopelessly oblivious. You will spend the rest of eternity frying in Hell.
This approaching holiday assumes the air of love, benevolence, and joy, yet behind the holly-decked walls lies a world of sin. Coveting, false idols and murder adorn the season much like your second grade glittery pine cone adorns your parents' reluctant tree. Three thousand years after God etched the Ten Commandments, people burn them alongside their Yule log and wrapping paper. 'Tis the season to be gluttonous and greedy. Why not add on a little pillaging and murder?
"Thou shall not covet," are the words brought down from Mt. Sinai by a 120-year-old ill-tempered Jew. Yet as you gaze across your yard to see the juicy honey baked ham your neighbor's 200-pound wife prepares while busting out of her gingerbread man apron, you can't help but feel disdain toward the rhinoceros waving smoke away from your charred dinner. As your mind wanders away from your current misfortune you notice the shiny new Lexus parked in his driveway with an oversized red bow on top. So maybe your wife won't like the treadmill you bought her, but it's the thought that counts, right?
Wrong! The fact is every holiday season we are disappointed by the gifts we receive. Sure, the XBOX 360 will be awesome Christmas afternoon until you realize the only way you will get to play Resistance is to take a bitter walk next door and beg to use his Christmas presents. Don't waste your money on ungrateful nephews and in-laws. Buy yourself that PS3. Buy yourself that trophy wife. Don't covet without that ultimate joy of attaining your every material desire. And since you're already doomed to a fiery afterlife, why exercise any self-control? Anything you can't afford to buy, steal for yourself. That would be in the true spirit of the holiday.
This approaching holiday assumes the air of love, benevolence, and joy, yet behind the holly-decked walls lies a world of sin. Coveting, false idols and murder adorn the season much like your second grade glittery pine cone adorns your parents' reluctant tree. Three thousand years after God etched the Ten Commandments, people burn them alongside their Yule log and wrapping paper. 'Tis the season to be gluttonous and greedy. Why not add on a little pillaging and murder?
"Thou shall not covet," are the words brought down from Mt. Sinai by a 120-year-old ill-tempered Jew. Yet as you gaze across your yard to see the juicy honey baked ham your neighbor's 200-pound wife prepares while busting out of her gingerbread man apron, you can't help but feel disdain toward the rhinoceros waving smoke away from your charred dinner. As your mind wanders away from your current misfortune you notice the shiny new Lexus parked in his driveway with an oversized red bow on top. So maybe your wife won't like the treadmill you bought her, but it's the thought that counts, right?
Wrong! The fact is every holiday season we are disappointed by the gifts we receive. Sure, the XBOX 360 will be awesome Christmas afternoon until you realize the only way you will get to play Resistance is to take a bitter walk next door and beg to use his Christmas presents. Don't waste your money on ungrateful nephews and in-laws. Buy yourself that PS3. Buy yourself that trophy wife. Don't covet without that ultimate joy of attaining your every material desire. And since you're already doomed to a fiery afterlife, why exercise any self-control? Anything you can't afford to buy, steal for yourself. That would be in the true spirit of the holiday.
Viewing Comments 1 - 3 of 3
Gloria Capel
posted 3/06/09 @ 11:48 PM EST
I thank you for the opportunity to share a portion of my moments in time with future generations.
Alison Worth
posted 3/07/09 @ 12:04 AM EST
Wait for next writes!
Anna Reed
posted 7/04/09 @ 12:28 AM EST
I have to agree with teh poster above... :/ looks like a lot of hot air to me.
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