Spilling the secret to finding single girls at Hopkins
Guest Column
Aaron J. (not his real name) is attractive in a boyish way. He has a scruffy beard, charming smile and wardrobe that seamlessly combines Ralph Lauren with hipster accents. He comes off as a nice guy - so nice, in fact, that girls never believe anyone who tries to warn them about him. But he slept with more women in his four years at Hopkins than most guys do in a lifetime.
There are plenty of cute, eligible guys at Hopkins, but none have come close to attaining Aaron's level of success in the Hopkins hook-up scene. Aaron's secret doesn't involve hair gel, creatine or cologne. Instead, he coaxed countless girls into bed using a simple ratio and model that reminds me of my unhappy days as an economics major. I've decided to pass them on to all of you in hopes that the Hopkins singles market can correct its inefficiencies, meaning no one will ever have to leave PJ's alone again.
According to Aaron, guys just looking to get some evaluate potential hookups on two attributes: how attractive she is, and the amount of effort he thinks it will take to get her bed. Aaron translated these factors into a basic, albeit crude, ratio: Cuteness / Work.
If a guy's just looking for a quick fling, he wants to maximize cuteness while minimizing the amount of work he has to put it to get in. The higher the "cuteness/work" ratio, the more desirable the hookup. The ideal partner would, of course, be a really hot girl who gives you a blowjob in the bathroom five minutes after you meet her. The ratio falls for less and less attractive girls who play harder and harder to get, and rock bottom is somewhere around taking Kathy Griffin to Paris for the weekend and walking away with nothing more than a quick hand job.
This seems straightforward enough, but the Hopkins social hierarchy sometimes prevents guys from using this ratio effectively. Because Hopkins has such a small student body, popularity is more defined and relevant than it is at larger universities. Sure, it isn't limited to one small, exclusive group like it was in high school, but there are certain girls in each grade that the entire social crowd at Hopkins knows about, even if they've never talked to them. These girls, easily identified by their sorority tote bags and lacrosse-player boyfriends, make up an elite minority of Hopkins social queen bees, and a disproportionally large percentage of them are "hot" by conventional standards.
There are plenty of cute, eligible guys at Hopkins, but none have come close to attaining Aaron's level of success in the Hopkins hook-up scene. Aaron's secret doesn't involve hair gel, creatine or cologne. Instead, he coaxed countless girls into bed using a simple ratio and model that reminds me of my unhappy days as an economics major. I've decided to pass them on to all of you in hopes that the Hopkins singles market can correct its inefficiencies, meaning no one will ever have to leave PJ's alone again.
According to Aaron, guys just looking to get some evaluate potential hookups on two attributes: how attractive she is, and the amount of effort he thinks it will take to get her bed. Aaron translated these factors into a basic, albeit crude, ratio: Cuteness / Work.
If a guy's just looking for a quick fling, he wants to maximize cuteness while minimizing the amount of work he has to put it to get in. The higher the "cuteness/work" ratio, the more desirable the hookup. The ideal partner would, of course, be a really hot girl who gives you a blowjob in the bathroom five minutes after you meet her. The ratio falls for less and less attractive girls who play harder and harder to get, and rock bottom is somewhere around taking Kathy Griffin to Paris for the weekend and walking away with nothing more than a quick hand job.
This seems straightforward enough, but the Hopkins social hierarchy sometimes prevents guys from using this ratio effectively. Because Hopkins has such a small student body, popularity is more defined and relevant than it is at larger universities. Sure, it isn't limited to one small, exclusive group like it was in high school, but there are certain girls in each grade that the entire social crowd at Hopkins knows about, even if they've never talked to them. These girls, easily identified by their sorority tote bags and lacrosse-player boyfriends, make up an elite minority of Hopkins social queen bees, and a disproportionally large percentage of them are "hot" by conventional standards.
Viewing Comments 1 - 7 of 7
Hopkins_girl
posted 3/27/09 @ 4:47 PM EST
This article portrays Hopkins girls as physically unattractive and desperate for any kind of attention of the opposite sex except for a few blessed by God cute and as a result popular girls. (Continued…)
John
posted 3/28/09 @ 11:54 PM EST
The fact is that most JHU girls are not pretty. Sorry. When I was visiting another college campus yesterday to see a friend, the girls were so much hotter. (Continued…)
Jerry
posted 4/25/09 @ 5:04 PM EST
Brainiac is most definitely sexy. Nothing better than a sexy girl who cares and knows about more than handbags and pop music. I don't care how hot a girl is. (Continued…)
MM
posted 4/26/09 @ 6:30 PM EST
This article is a gendered piece of shit. That this was written by a female student shows how backward a place Hopkins can be. The best way to appeal to the opposite sex would be to stop treating them like numbers that can be quantified, graphed, plugged into ratios, and finally notched on our belts. (Continued…)
Russian Wives
posted 3/20/10 @ 2:38 AM EST
What an awesome article! You must have spent a lot of time and effort on it-needless to say, awesome job!
Russian Wives
posted 3/20/10 @ 3:21 AM EST
wow, this brings back some great memories! it seems like just yesterday i was watching all of these great shows, and more great shows. this homecoming theme has been so much fun!
Russian Wives
posted 3/20/10 @ 7:06 AM EST
i find this website very useful but can you plz add a Q&A link that shows some of the common questions his eminenece has answered.
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