Spring Break
Due to budget concerns, the JHMI shuttle will now double as an ambulance
Kierkegaard's Smile
Issue date: 11/5/09
An excerpt from Professor Dick Henry's lecture on Quantum Mechanics, their application to our needs of transportation and teaching an intro level physics course with a philosophy geared towards massaging your own ego and buttocks simultaneously.
Those of us who are not fortunate to make the daily trek from the grassy knolls of Hopkins's Homewood campus to the sunlight-deprived Medical Campus can only imagine the excitement of riding the shuttle to and fro.
The previously exclusive Johns Hopkins Medical Institutions (or JHMI as it is affectionately called by those in the know) shuttle which operates hourly with extra attention to the business rush was something of a forbidden fruit for us.
But now it will be open to all who are in need of serious medical attention due to an injury or neurological crisis of some kind, as well as to ambitious pre-medical students and humanities students looking to pick up an extra buck.
We all know the beauties of free transportation: the shuttles, our legs (although some might say that arthritis along with spinal trouble and serious knee pain are the ultimate costs) and ambulances. When you set forth on your day's journey without having to pay a fare or having to stuff coins and wrinkly bills into the faux vending machine slot, you are in a good mood. The last time I needed to go down to the medical center - I was giving a lecture - I decided to try to hop an ambulance.
As someone exited the Barnes and Noble entrance on St. Paul Street I decided to get in the way of the door.
Despite the speckle of blood that fell on my tweed jacket that morning, I simply could not convince anyone - indeed not even a taxi - to give me a free ride. Yet there was the shuttle. I thought I'd try my luck. And sure enough as soon as the driver saw the blood he didn't ask for identification or query me with somewhat embarrassing questions. No, he let me on.
This got me thinking.
Not only would the system be efficient and allow students of Hopkins presents the Peabody Institute of Johns Hopkins Music Conservatory of Johns Hopkins (it's an investment) to hop a ride as well, but it would level the playing field. Just imagine the beauty, the absurdity of people with IV drips, sitting next to Jason from New Jersey studying for his Bio exam. It would be simply artful, perhaps beautiful.
The moment I returned from another charismatic lecture I raced back on foot - no time for the shuttle and no entry as I had furiously scrubbed the blood from my jacket - I went immediately to President Daniels' office to find only a small piece of pancreas sitting in his chair.
However, the two of us had a rousing conversation and the next thing I knew he'd signed a bill into operation.
You see, the pancreas was worried about the possibility of Hopkins liability when it came to any injury to its students, therefore having to pay for costly transportation at the very least. Therefore my JHMI revelation seemed to fit right in with his interim plans. I shook him to seal the deal.
The next time the St. Paul door to the Barnes and Noble greeted my nose I was first in line for the IV drip on the JHMI shuttle. What a beautiful system.
© Dick's Buttocks 2008.
Those of us who are not fortunate to make the daily trek from the grassy knolls of Hopkins's Homewood campus to the sunlight-deprived Medical Campus can only imagine the excitement of riding the shuttle to and fro.
The previously exclusive Johns Hopkins Medical Institutions (or JHMI as it is affectionately called by those in the know) shuttle which operates hourly with extra attention to the business rush was something of a forbidden fruit for us.
But now it will be open to all who are in need of serious medical attention due to an injury or neurological crisis of some kind, as well as to ambitious pre-medical students and humanities students looking to pick up an extra buck.
We all know the beauties of free transportation: the shuttles, our legs (although some might say that arthritis along with spinal trouble and serious knee pain are the ultimate costs) and ambulances. When you set forth on your day's journey without having to pay a fare or having to stuff coins and wrinkly bills into the faux vending machine slot, you are in a good mood. The last time I needed to go down to the medical center - I was giving a lecture - I decided to try to hop an ambulance.
As someone exited the Barnes and Noble entrance on St. Paul Street I decided to get in the way of the door.
Despite the speckle of blood that fell on my tweed jacket that morning, I simply could not convince anyone - indeed not even a taxi - to give me a free ride. Yet there was the shuttle. I thought I'd try my luck. And sure enough as soon as the driver saw the blood he didn't ask for identification or query me with somewhat embarrassing questions. No, he let me on.
This got me thinking.
Not only would the system be efficient and allow students of Hopkins presents the Peabody Institute of Johns Hopkins Music Conservatory of Johns Hopkins (it's an investment) to hop a ride as well, but it would level the playing field. Just imagine the beauty, the absurdity of people with IV drips, sitting next to Jason from New Jersey studying for his Bio exam. It would be simply artful, perhaps beautiful.
The moment I returned from another charismatic lecture I raced back on foot - no time for the shuttle and no entry as I had furiously scrubbed the blood from my jacket - I went immediately to President Daniels' office to find only a small piece of pancreas sitting in his chair.
However, the two of us had a rousing conversation and the next thing I knew he'd signed a bill into operation.
You see, the pancreas was worried about the possibility of Hopkins liability when it came to any injury to its students, therefore having to pay for costly transportation at the very least. Therefore my JHMI revelation seemed to fit right in with his interim plans. I shook him to seal the deal.
The next time the St. Paul door to the Barnes and Noble greeted my nose I was first in line for the IV drip on the JHMI shuttle. What a beautiful system.
© Dick's Buttocks 2008.
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